Giving Thanks: An Example

[What role does giving thanks have in your life? What role should it have? Over 160 verses in Scripture refer to thanks.  Here is a list of most of them, which I commend for your meditation. Consider these few:

  • Psalm 50:23 The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me.
  • Ephesians 5:18, 20: Be filled with the Spirit . . . giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
  • Colossians 2:6-7   Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving.
  • 1 Thessalonians 5:18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you (audio of 2022 sermon on this text)

Consider also this quip from G.K. Chesterton: “When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?”

For a period of time, every Monday Beth disciplined herself to record on her former blog items of thanksgiving.  Here is an excerpt from one of those entries from 2010. She reflects on Rachel’s example of a thankful heart, to which we would all do well to pay attention. Consider Beth’s words – and as we celebrate Thanksgiving may we express such thanks! – Coty]

She had major surgery and needed a home in which to recover.  In the beginning, she needed someone to help change incision dressings, prepare healing meals, encourage and comfort through post surgery pain and uncertainty.  She needed an arm to lean on while she slowly climbed the steps and sometimes she needed quiet music, candlelight, and foot rubs.  For three weeks, Rachel stayed here.

While she was in my home, I observed something very special.  Rachel wrote thank you notes. Prodigiously.  From the first week to the last, she wrote them.  In pain and groggy from meds, she wrote them.  In bed, she wrote them.  At the warm, sunny end of the kitchen table, she wrote them.

The EMT’s who arrived in the ambulance and took her to the hospital received notes and cookies.  She was in so much pain when they attended her that night that she had no recollection of who they were, but she called the fire station and got their names from the ambulance log and wrote notes to them.

Her nurses received notes.  She asked at the desk on her hospital floor for all their names and wrote them each a note.

Her doctor and physician’s assistant received notes.  The day of her first follow up appointment, she hand delivered those notes.  The PA smiled broadly, almost dancing upon receiving the envelope, and exclaimed, “This is my first thank you note from a patient!”

When she left our home, everyone here, Coty, Thomas, Joel and I, all received individual handwritten notes.

Her habit of handwritten gratitude puts me to shame and I know I am not alone.  I had a conversation with a friend at church today who admitted that, like me, she often fails to convey her thanks with a handwritten note.

Oh, we mean to do it.  We put “write thank you notes” on our to-do list.  We may even buy thank you cards and stamps.  But we procrastinate, thinking we are too busy at the moment, and time passes.  Finally, so much time passes that we feel embarrassed to write, our failure highlighted by our tardiness.  Perhaps we try to justify our actions by telling ourselves that, well, we said thank you.  They didn’t really expect a note, now, did they?

That EMT certainly didn’t expect a note.  Neither did the PA or the surgeon.  And how often do you think the nurses who measure the urine in the basin or change the colostomy bag get a hand-written note from a grateful patient?

Was that note writing obligatory?  Just the compulsory penning of thanks by a dutiful daughter whose mother taught her well?  Or worse, done because she thought she’d get even better care next time if her care givers got a note this time?  No, no, no!

That note writing was the expression of a heart so filled with thankfulness that it spilled out grateful words across countless little cards.  No detail was forgotten.  No small act of care or kindness done for her was omitted from her written outpouring of thanksgiving.

I am convicted – of my ingratitude, of my procrastination, of the self-centered ways in which I order that aforementioned to-do list to reflect my priorities instead of ordering it according to this admonition….

“in humility, count others more significant than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3)

To fail to give thanks is to set myself above the giver as though I was fully deserving of every gift, as though it were my due.  This dishonors, by failing to recognize and appreciate, the sacrifice and attention of the giver.  If I don’t take the time to say thank you, I have forgotten the giver and thought only of the gift and of myself.

I do this to God and I to it to people.  So very often.

My dear friend’s illness and the way in which she has responded to it has touched many lives.  It has touched mine by giving me the opportunity to observe at close range one who excels in thankfulness.  Rachel’s is an example to follow.  I start by thanking you, Father God, for bringing her, for three precious weeks, into my home.

And more gifts…

  • deepened friendship
  • observation of the generosity of the body of Christ
  • little victories (for Rachel) over new daily tasks
  • children’s voices singing the names of God
  • Kristi’s skillful directing
  • potluck tables filled with good food
  • laughter and fellowship
  • people who pitch in, dry dishes, mop floors, clean bathrooms . . .
  • a helpful little book
  • quiet moments in a busy month

This practice of listing thanks early in the week, of publicly logging thanksgiving for abundant gifts is a marker in my week.  There is another practice that needs to become just as regular – writing my thanks on paper and sending it to those whose generosity graces my life.  There are so many I need to thank.  It’s time to get started.

My Excellent Wife, My Valentine

[This devotion is a shortened, edited version of the sermon preached December 29, 2019, our fortieth wedding anniversary. You can listen to that sermon via this link.]

In the afternoon of December 29, 1979, Beth and I were married.

Though we didn’t really understand what was happening, in that ceremony God made the two one (Matthew 19:6).

In the following days, we spent some time at Surfside Beach, pondering what had happened. I had thought that since we already loved each other, since we already were committed to each other, the ceremony would just act to formalize our relationship for others; the relationship itself wouldn’t change all that much.

How wrong I was. How ignorant of biblical truth. I began to get a taste of that truth during those days at Surfside.

As Tolstoy writes in Anna Karenina concerning a fight between spouses early in a good marriage:

It was then that [Levin] clearly understood for the first time what he had failed to understand when he led [Kitty] out of the church after the wedding. He understood that she was not only close to him, but that he could not now tell where she ended and he began. He realized it from the agonizing feeling of division into two parts which he experienced at the moment. He felt hurt, but he immediately realized that he could not be offended with her because she was himself.

Beth and I have been one now for forty years. Out of that unity, I want to fulfill Romans 12:10 by showing honor to Beth, this excellent wife, via Proverbs 31.

In Proverbs 7, a father warns his son against the allure and call of an adulterous wife. In contrast, Proverbs 8 consists of the call of another woman: Wisdom personified. Lady Wisdom says that to fear the Lord not only leads to our avoiding evil but to our hating it (Proverbs 8:13).

Then Proverbs 9 presents both Lady Wisdom and Dame Folly calling out to us. Wisdom calls us to find true life in following God; Folly calls us to rebel against Him, which leads to death.

So we must listen to Lady Wisdom, wisdom personified, and reject Dame Folly.

Proverbs 31 concludes the book, and once again calls upon us to look to a woman for wisdom. But in this chapter we look not to wisdom personified in the abstract, but to wisdom lived out in our mothers and our wives. This chapter gives us examples of different ways wives and mothers are like Lady Wisdom, so that we might learn to live wisely ourselves day by day, whether we are male or female, old or young, married or single.

So now let’s turn to the text. I’ll identify nine characteristics of the excellent wife, and share some examples of how Beth lives the out.

First: The excellent wife is wise, fearing the Lord

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:30)

The theme of Proverbs is that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge and wisdom. Thus, we should train our daughters and sons to have such fear, and praise those who live it out.

But often instead we reserve our greatest praise of others for their charm and physical beauty.

Now, there is nothing inherently wrong with charm and beauty. However, Dame Folly can appear charming and beautiful. Thus charm and beauty can be deceitful, for they promise what they on their own cannot deliver: endless joy in delighting in physical beauty or an engaging personality. Physical beauty will fade; every personality is flawed – for all have sinned. So if you trust in charm and physical beauty, you will be disappointed.

Understand: It is good and right for me to delight in Beth’s physical beauty; it is good and right for me to be attracted by her charm. Indeed, I should cultivate those desires, and deepen them towards her (see this sermon on Proverbs 5 and 6 text audio). But her beauty and charm are not deceptive because she fears the Lord, because she has biblical wisdom. So that is the most important reason to praise her

Second: The wife is excellent and strong

“An excellent wife who can find?”  (Proverbs 31:10). “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” (Proverbs 31:29). Other translations render the the word translated “excellent” as “noble” or “virtuous.” Yet the underlying Hebrew word includes a connotation that none of those English words communicate: Strong. Indeed, “strength” is the root meaning of the Hebrew word. It is used, for example of Gideon in the phrase translated “mighty man of valor” (Judges 6:12). One translator thus translates the word, “valiant.”

The wife’s strength is emphasized in Proverbs 31:17 (“She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong”) and Proverbs 31:25 (“Strength and dignity [or ‘majesty’]) are her clothing.”)

So this woman is virtuous, honorable, and strong; she has the moral character and fortitude to be a blessing to her family and to her society.

I could tell multiple stories of Beth displaying such strength, but one in particular stands out. In August of 2001, we flew to Cameroon to serve for an academic year at a seminary. The day after our arrival, we apportioned our sixteen boxes of luggage and six children in two vans to make the eight-hour drive from Douala to Bamenda. I was in the van driven by Victor, together with three sons including our youngest, six-year-old Joel. The other van with Beth and the rest of the family had left Douala prior to us.

About two hours into the trip, we came around a corner to find a pickup laden with fruit making a U-turn right in front of us. Victor tried to avoid the vehicle, but we hit the right rear of the truck hard. Something smashed the windshield; our luggage rammed forward, breaking the anchors in the rear seat, pushing it against the front seats. I jumped out of the car and opened the rear door. My two older boys were shaken and somewhat bloodied, but seemed ok. Joel, however, had a deep puncture wound in his leg. The calf was hard as a rock from internal bleeding. I feared it might be broken.

In an unfamiliar country, with an injured child, uncertain of what to do, I was at a loss. But by the grace of God the other van, having stopped at a computer store, arrived about five minutes after the accident.

Beth immediately displayed her strength. Churning on the inside, she remained calm. She was steady. She was decisive. Joel did not seem to be in immediate danger – we could go on to Bamenda where much better medical care was available.

That night in an email to supporters, I wrote: “[I was] so thankful to have her there, with her always cool head and uncommon good sense.”

Strength and dignity are her clothing.

Third: The excellent wife is trustworthy

The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. (Proverbs 31:11-12)

Verse 12 is the foundation of verse 11. Because the husband knows she is doing him good, not harm, always, he trusts her.

At one point a few years ago I was upset about something Beth had said or done that could be interpreted as unsupportive. I felt as if she wasn’t behind me. So I communicated this to her at some length. When I finally stopped talking, she initially didn’t say anything, instead just looking at me. Then very calmly, very graciously, she simply said, “After all these years, don’t you know me?”

I did know her then – and she called me back to what I knew.

I trust her completely. I can hardly imagine not trusting her.

Fourth: The excellent wife speaks wisdom

“She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. (Proverbs 31:26)

It’s possible to be wise without communicating that wisdom. Wise instruction is as important as wise actions.

The phrase rendered “teaching of kindness” in the ESV is difficult to translate; others render it “law of kindness,” “faithful instruction,” or “loving instruction.” The main idea: How do you live a life of loyal love before your spouse, your family, your neighbors, and society?

Titus 2:3-4 gives a partial answer: Older women are “to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children.” It has been my great privilege to see Beth live this out in private conversations, in pre-marital counseling, in crisis counseling, and in our family.

Fifth: The excellent wife is a diligent provider

The point here is not simply that she meets physical needs. Rather, she loves her family by providing food and clothing.

Much of the chapter details how she does this:

  • She “works with willing hands” (Proverbs 31:13)
  • “She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness” (Proverbs 31:27)
  • She brings food, makes cloth, makes bed coverings, and sells garments she has made (Proverbs 31:14, 19, 22, 24)
  • “She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household” (Proverbs 31:15)

We all are faced with an abundance of temptations to fritter away our time. We can spend hours and hours flipping through items on our phone, seeking entertainment and thrills, keeping up with the latest news or gossip or sports information, to no good effect.

Beth is much like this Proverbs 31 wife. A relaxing evening for her is spent in her sewing studio, or reading a good book – often a book recommended by one of her children or friends, thus deepening that relationship.

Sixth: Through her diligence, her household is safe and secure

  • “She laughs at the time to come” (Proverbs 31:25).
  • “She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet (Proverbs 31:21).

These verses help us properly interpret this often misunderstood verse:

“Her lamp does not go out at night” (Proverbs 31:18).

Verse 18 refers not to her diligence, but to the security of her household. The lamp of the household’s prosperity continues even in dark times

Remember, Scripture tells us proper sleep is a gift of God: “It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep” (Psalm 127:2). Proverbs 31 commends disciplined, productive work, accompanied by restful sleep, as you trust in the Lord.

Seventh: She is generous and sincerely concerned

“She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy” (Proverbs 31:20).

Generosity includes much more than providing monetary support. We can give money and not be “generous” in a biblical sense (see this sermon from 2014 text audio).

Beth lives out the showing of sincere concern in practical ways. Several years ago she reached out to a young Burmese mother. After learning who she was and what she was missing, she began to teach her to sew. Now the Make Welcome sewing ministry teaches dozens of students; many make clothes for themselves and their families, and several graduates are employed doing what they love.

Make Welcome is about much more than money and clothes, however. The time together produces joy, smiles, friendships, healing, safety – and they all hear of Jesus, whatever their religious background.

Eighth: The excellent wife blesses her husband

“Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. (Proverbs 31:23)

The husband is respected because of what he has become through his wife. Just so in our marriage. I am a far better pastor, a far better father, and a far better son because of who Beth is, because of how she has influenced me, because of how God has changed me through her.

Ninth: So her family praises her

“Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.’” (Proverbs 31:28-29)

What does the husband mean by, “You surpass them all”?

He is not making an objective, comparative statement of fact: “I have investigated all other wives, all other women, and you come out on top!” That would be impossible – but that also would be of zero importance in God’s economy (rather akin to Jesus’ disciples arguing about who is the greatest).

Rather, “You surpass them all” is similar to the statement about sexual desire in Proverbs 5:19:  “Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.” It is good and right for my sexual desires to flow deeply towards Beth; indeed, I should work to deepen those desires, yet keep them well-channeled toward her alone.

So the message from Proverbs 5 is: “I have the privilege of knowing you sexually in ways no one else can, and I have the deepest delight in who you are, who we are together.”

The similar message of Proverbs 31 is: “I have the privilege of knowing your character, your love, your wisdom in ways no one else can, and I have the deepest delight in who you are, who we are together.”

And to you, Beth, I add: Some can give an appearance of deep wisdom and love for others. I see you at all times – I see you even at your worst. And I praise you for genuine wisdom and genuine love.

So husbands and families: Delight in the way God has used and strengthened your excellent wife or mother. Thank Him for her fear of Him for the wisdom she therefore has. State your appreciation for the role she plays in society, in your family, and in your personal life.

So here we are, forty years into our marriage. God took two naïve young people and made us one; He has guarded that unity these four decades. Maybe He will give us another four decades of marriage. Maybe we have little additional time together.

But, Beth: To live as one with you has been a huge privilege. I delight in who you are, in how you reflect the person of Jesus, in how you love me when I am unlovable, in your gracious wisdom and diligent service, in your genuine beauty and enduring charm, in your love for our Savior and your delight in Him.

Thank you for forty years of ever-deepening delight.

All of you, ask: What other women do I know who exemplify some aspects of this practical wisdom?

  • Praise them.
  • Emulate them.
  • Encourage them.
  • Listen to their instruction in how to love.

For the excellent wife of Proverbs 31 fears the Lord. She knows that apart from God’s grace, there is no hope for her and others. She knows that Lady Wisdom is a pointer to Jesus: He calls. He says, “Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). The excellent wife knows rest is found nowhere else, only endless striving or destructive dissipation. She knows that various deceitful calls of Folly all lead us away from dependence on the Lord Jesus.

So listen to her. Like her, fear the Lord. And thereby deserve the praise that accords to the excellent wife.

Consistency in the Race of Faith

“Train yourself for godliness” (1 Timothy 4:7b).

The Apostle Paul uses an athletic term to picture the way we grow in the Christian life. We must discipline ourselves in training so that we run the race of faith well. One aspect of that discipline is consistency.

I was a 16-year-old high school track athlete in 1972, the year of the Munich Olympic Games. When Frank Shorter won the marathon in dominating fashion, the vague idea that someday I might run a marathon become the certainty that I would. My friends and I wanted to be like Frank. So we began reading all we could about who he was and how he trained.

We discovered lots of interesting tidbits, but what struck me most was his consistency. If I recall correctly, in the seven years leading up to the Munich marathon, he ran every day. He never missed even one day.

Consistency in running is central. One coach puts it this way:

[A runner may say,] “Surely to miss training just this once will not matter? After all, there is a long season of it lying ahead.” But to miss training once is to open a breach in the wall of routine. And a single breach will almost certainly be followed by others, to the point where there is no routine left. And then, bang! — there goes your ambition to be a runner.

The runner’s statement actually is true; to miss one day in and of itself is not going to destroy your training. But missing days develops a bad habit; it changes one’s perception of what one is about. Running becomes not something you do because of who you are – running becomes something you do when it is convenient.

Alternately, if you stick to your plan every day, rain or shine, cold or hot, windy or calm, tired or fresh – you see yourself differently. With every step of consistency, you define more clearly who you are.

I went through something similar with cycling this spring, preparing to bike almost 500 miles in four days from Charlotte to DC. Once I registered for the ride, I had to prepare myself to complete it. I couldn’t just ride however I felt. So there was a fundamental change in my attitude towards riding: I had to be consistent to meet the goal. I had to become a cyclist.

Just so in the Christian life. I can dabble in Bible reading and church attendance and prayer; I can do occasional acts that look loving and now and then speak the Gospel. But if this is who I am, then these are central to my life. I no longer just dabble. I train myself for godliness.

For if I realize that I am a sinner at my very core, that without daily apprehending the cross my mind will wander, making me ineffective and unproductive, then I will be sure to get up in the morning, get into the Word, seek God’s face, seek His grace; I will be sure to sit under good preaching and to seek out helpful mentors; I will speak the Gospel even if it makes me uncomfortable and will act in love even when it hurts.

And when you do this – when you consistently train yourself for godliness, as you overcome daily the common hindrances – just as with the runner or cyclist, you define much more clearly who you are.

Furthermore, every day of consistency makes the next day’s obedience that much easier. One coach writes, “Run until the question of not running just never arises.” A day without running is not even an option. Just so for us: A day without seeking God’s face becomes not even an option. Instead of a vicious circle, a downward spiral, we become part of a virtuous circle, an upward spiral: Seeking God’s face this week gives me joy and peace, which spurs me one to seek His face and live out the Christian life that much more next week. And the circle continues.

My wise wife wrote of this several years ago:

Will my children remember their mother reading the Bible consistently? Will they picture in their minds a straw basket with Bible, Valley of Vision prayer book, journal, and prayer notebook? Will they picture their mother swinging gently on the porch swing, Bible in hand or curled up in the wing chair in the music room, head bowed. Will it be a consistent memory?

It is certainly not just for the memory in my children’s minds that this consistency is important. Oh no. It is vitally important for now, for every day, for wisdom and discernment, for knowledge and understanding, for contentment and spurring on. It is as vital to my life as an Olympic athlete’s consistent training is. No, it is more vital. Because, unlike the Olympic athlete who may only take his gold medal as far as the grave, the benefits of consistency in walking with God are eternal. . . . “Consistency makes a statement to yourself, ‘I am a child of God.’” That’s who I am. Spending time in the word is simply what a child of God does, like running is what a runner does. I can’t live without it.

So train yourself for godliness – consistently. Become who you are: A child of God.