It happens time and again. George attends a church a few times, and excitedly moves into membership. Then, over the course of a year or two, his excitement wanes. The grass looks greener elsewhere. So George finds a second church, and excitedly joins it. Two years later the process repeats itself. Hop, hop, hop. One church after another.

The American consumer mentality has affected the way many of us choose to join and leave churches. Yet committing to a particular local assembly in the Body of Christ should not be a consumer decision. For Christians are not consumers in a church market; we are the hands and feet and eyes and ears of the Body.

Several years ago, we put together an outline of biblical guidelines concerning how to choose a church. Today, we address the other end of the decision-making process: When should I leave a church? And if I leave, how should I leave?

Consider first of all some common bad reasons for leaving a church:

a) “Someone hurt me!” Scripture commands us to “bear with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgive each other” (Colossians 3:13). So in our church covenant, we commit ourselves to be “slow to take offense, and always [to] be ready for reconciliation.” God uses the sins of others to mold us into His likeness as we learn to forbear and forgive. As in marriage, this growth only takes place in an atmosphere of covenant faithfulness to one another. We have to be committed to each other in order to work through difficult issues. So don’t leave a church because you are hurt.

b) “I think I would be happier elsewhere” or “I’d like to be a part of this program that this church doesn’t have.” This is the essence of the American consumer mentality. Instead of this “me first” attitude, we are to have a “Kingdom first” attitude through commitment to a local body. When (not if!) we see its flaws, we are to work to strengthen those aspects of the body. Indeed, frequently we most notice those areas of weakness in which we ourselves are gifted to serve. So if you see something that is not getting done – do it! Then organize and motivate others to do it with you.

c) “My friends have now left.” Again, this reflects a consumer mentality. Our commitment is to the body, not to a few individuals.

d) “I should be an elder or teacher and I’m not.” Sometimes this is more pointed: “I should be serving in that role rather than so-and-so.” Being an elder or a teacher is a privilege, not a right. A person becomes an elder or teacher by finding ways to serve and then serving faithfully, often one-on-one and behind the scenes, all the while supporting the present church elders and unifying the church behind their leadership. Someone who will only be happy with the public recognition of the office is, in fact, unqualified to serve in the office. If someone “aspires to the oversight” (1 Timothy 3:1, literal translation), he should step out and do it without the title, all the while working toward Christian maturity as detailed in the biblical lists of qualifications for elder. When he faithfully serves in this way, it will then be easy for the church to formally recognize this man as an elder when the leadership team needs his specific set of skills and gifts.

e) “I’m disappointed in my pastors and elders.” There are several forms that this disappointment takes: “I don’t get the personal attention from the leadership I once got;” “The preaching is not speaking to me as it once was;” “The pastor’s personality is different than what I thought;” “The elders are not leading the church the direction I think it should go.” A sermon from several years ago, ‘Why are My Pastors and Elders So Disappointing, and What Should I Do About It?” goes in to much more detail on this point. In sum, we should speak about such issues with an elder, being honest and open about our thoughts, and listening carefully to his response. But we must maintain an attitude of humility, and – with the qualifications discussed below – should have an inclination to follow the leaders, saying, “I trust God to direct you, and trust His leadership through yours. Whether I agree or not, is there anything I can do to support you?”

Those are all bad reasons to leave a church. They have in common a focus on me, my needs, my gifts.

Consider, second, some biblical reasons to consider leaving a church. Note how these do not have “me” at the center:

a) “My life circumstances have changed, making continued participation difficult.” For example, a young couple without children may be willing to drive 45 minutes regularly to participate in church activities. Once they have a baby, this may no longer be an option, and they have to decide between considerably less involvement or finding a closer church home.

b) “There is a significant opportunity to advance the Kingdom and grow as an ambassador of the Kingdom in another church.” Here we must carefully distinguish between a consumer mindset and a Kingdom mindset; we’ll need help and prayer from others, including from the leaders in our present church, in making the distinction.

c) “The leadership of my present church has made biblically questionable decisions.” These could include questionable teaching, a questionable direction of the church, or a questionable response to sin in the church. Again, the guidelines in the “disappointing elders” sermon are helpful here. We need to give the leadership the opportunity to address our concerns, and we must acknowledge that there are some areas in Scripture that are disputable among Bible-believing Christians.

If any of these possible reasons to leave are a concern, we should seek the counsel and prayer of the leaders early on. Never approach a pastor or elder with a concern you are stating for the first time, and then say, “That’s why we’ve decided to leave.” God gives the gift of elders to provide oversight and prayer in tough situations. Take advantage of that. The final decision to leave or not to leave is always yours, but take the counsel and advice of your elders seriously.

Consider, third, some serious issues that, if accurately assessed and not corrected, require you to leave a church:

a) When important and clear biblical doctrine is distorted or avoided (as, for example, in the churches in Galatia). In this case, if you can, try to stay and correct the wrong teaching. This is not always possible, however.

b) When there is a lack of financial accountability. Even the Apostle Paul was careful not to give even a hint of financial impropriety in the way he handled an offering (2 Corinthians 8:18-21).

c) When there is clear, publically known, unconfessed sin in the church, which is not dealt with (as in 1 Corinthians 5).

Even in these serious cases, we should approach an elder early on and use the guidelines from the “disappointing elders” sermon. It could be that we misunderstand the situation; it could be that a faithful elder has been working behind the scenes to correct the situation, and needs your support and the support of others to move forward biblically. You may be part of the solution.

If you decide after counsel and prayer that it is time to leave, how should you leave?

If at all possible, depend on your current leaders through the process: Ask them for recommendations concerning other churches; tell them where you are visiting and seek their prayers and counsel; unless they have proven themselves to be heretics, stay under their authority until you formally move into membership in a new church. Finally, consider with the leadership how best to say goodbye to your present congregation.

For the local church is not a club. It is not a preaching point. It is, instead, the Body of Christ actualized, lived out in microcosm – a gathering of the redeemed and justified, but a gathering of those still stained by sin. We thus will hurt each other; we will disappoint one another. But God commands us to “love one another deeply, from the heart” (1 Peter 1:22). This includes speaking hard truths to one another when necessary, gracefully and humbly. This also includes being committed to one another, and continuing to serve God together faithfully, especially when that is difficult.

We elders would be delighted if every present member of DGCC remained in this local body for the next 20 years, for you all give us great joy. But we know that’s not God’s plan – and thus we know that that is not best for us, not best for all of you, not best for His glory. There will come a time for many of us to move on. But we pray that when the time comes, each of us would go with the blessings of the leadership, and we would then continue in prayer for one another, thankful for the way God used us to spur one another on to love and good works, and eagerly anticipating our reunion before the Throne, singing, “Worthy is the Lamb who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing!” (Revelation 5:12).