The Moon is Always Round: Faith in the Goodness of God After Losing a Child

[On the April 26 edition of the “Life and Books and Everything” podcast, Kevin DeYoung conducts a wide-ranging interview with Westminster Seminary professor Jonathan Gibson – author of several books, including Be Thou My Vision (which I recommended recently) and an excellent children’s book, The Moon is Always Round. DeYoung prompts Gibson to tell of the personal tragedy that led to the writing of this book. This excerpt begins 41 minutes into the podcast – Coty]

When Ben was about three, we were living in Cambridge [England]…. He loved to look up at the moon at night. So we would always hold him up at the window and look for the moon and say, “What shape is the moon, Ben?” He’d say it’s a crescent moon, half moon, three-quarter moon. Then I’d say, “What shape is the moon always?” And he would say, “The moon is always round.” I told him to say that. And then I’d say, “What does that mean?” And he would say, “God is always good.”… Even when you can’t see the whole of the moon, the moon is always round; even when you can’t understand all of God’s goodness in a certain situation in life, God is always good.

But little did I know that six months later it would be quite providential….  We were expecting our daughter, Leila, and she was due on the Lord’s Day, 20 March 2016. But on the Lord’s Day 13 March, … she departed this earth…. We woke up and Jackie said there’s something not right, so we went to the hospital and had the scan and confirmed that there was no heartbeat…. Our world fell apart…. We had always heard of these situations of … late-term … still birth, but … all of a sudden were thrust into it. Leila was still born four days later on St Patrick’s day, 17 March.…

We brought Ben to the hospital to meet her. We spent the afternoon with her and I drove him home that night…. In the car out of nowhere – he’s three and a half – he says to me from the back seat, “Daddy, will Mommy ever grow a baby that wakes up?” See, he had held Leila – he saw that she was just very still, eyes closed. I said, “Ben, I don’t know, but let’s pray that she does.” And then he said, “Why isn’t Leila coming home?” And I said, “Well, because Jesus called her name and she went to Him.” And he said, “After she’s been with Jesus for a few days, will she come to us?” And I said, “No, Ben, when you’re with Jesus you don’t want to go anywhere else.” And then he said, “Does she not like us?” And I said, “No, she does like us, she just likes Jesus more…. We’re going to have to go to them one day. She’s not coming back to us.”… And Ben said, “Daddy, why isn’t she coming home?”… I said, “Ben, I don’t really know why, but … you remember the moon? What shape is the moon, Ben?” And he said, “The moon is always round.” And I said, “What does that mean?” He said, “God is always good.” And I said, “Tonight, Ben, it’s hard to see the moon at all really, but we’ve got to remember that God is good and He has His reason why Leila’s gone to heaven.”…

It was actually quite a joyful day to meet Leila – nine months expectation. To meet her, to hold her…. We could see God’s goodness and giving us a daughter. We got to meet her, name her. But then there was this other half of the moon I couldn’t see…. I couldn’t believe the profound conversation I’d had with Ben in the car…. I just decided to start writing this kid’s story…. So hence was born the book The Moon is Always Round….

At her funeral, … Ian Hamilton had this throwaway line where he said Leila’s was a glorious testimony. She pointed us all to God, she pointed us all to another world. And then he … said, “Leila the evangelist.” That’s what we call her. We hear quite often throughout the year letters, emails from people who have been blessed by that book who’ve sadly had similar experiences, and we just always think Leila the evangelist, she being dead yet speaks….

They did an autopsy afterwards and found nothing wrong with her. Fifty percent of stillbirths are a mystery to the medical profession….

So good has come out of it. The moon is always round. The Lord has used our sore providence to minister to others. We still miss her greatly. We just had our sixth anniversary of her not being with us….

Each person’s valley is their valley and I think that’s what people need to respect and be aware of…. With a still birth you get to meet them, you get to hold them, you get to see who they look like. You carry their little body in a white coffin into church, you put that body in a grave. In that sense it gives them great dignity…. On my books … it says I have four children, and Leila’s one of those four…. One of the great pains for a parent is we all love to talk about our children, we love to put photos up of them on Twitter, Facebook, email them to people. But nobody gets to see your stillborn child, and that’s a great sadness…. You think I’ve only got three children. I have four children. I held my daughter.

Doug Kelly wrote to me whenever Leila died. He had a still birth, a sixth child, and he wrote to me, “You have just been given the strange stewardship of a quiet grief.” I’ve never forgotten that line. I have friends at seminary here, … and their daughter is six years old and I’ll often look at their girl and I’ll think, wow, Leila would be running around with her…. But she’s not here. So it’s this hidden grief that’s very hard to articulate at times, but it’s very real. And the encouragement I give to people is: If you know someone who’s lost a stillborn child, ask them their name…. Just to ask them their name and use their name in conversation if you’re talking about the child. Don’t just talk about the baby they lost or we’re sorry for your loss… Say, “We’re sorry Leila died.” … Be personal and talk about them like they’re actually a real person, because they are….

Look up in the sky. You can’t see the moon tonight. You see just a sliver, but it’s not any less round, it’s not any less brilliant than it always is.

[You can watch and listen to Ben – several years older – read the book at this link.]

 

Study Guide on God’s Providence

The study guide on God’s Providence is now complete. You can access it here (Word doc, pdf) and use it for personal or group study. Introducing the study several months ago, I wrote:

The scriptures paint a picture of a sovereign God ruling all events, moving all creation forward to His appointed end.

This raises a multitude of questions: What is God’s goal in all this? How is this sovereignty related to our responsibility for our actions? How is that sovereignty related to His commands to us – and our obeying or disobeying those commands? Does God’s control extend even to evil acts of evil men and all natural events? Does He providentially control all things?

These are not questions that we should leave for theologians to ponder. For we all face death, disease, and tragedy; we sin and others sin against us; and the world often looks to be spiraling out of control. We need to take to heart the assurances of Scripture that God is working all things together for His good and wise purposes. But if those assurances are to play their intended role, we need to understand what the Scriptures promise, and what they do not. We need to understand how and why God acts as He does.

While the study guide follows the outline of John Piper’s excellent new book, Providence, and after asking questions about a passage of Scripture assigns a portion to read each lesson (adding up to about sixty percent of the book), this is a Bible study on the theme, not a book study.

If this study proves useful to you, let me know.

 

What God Tells Us About Himself 6,800 Times

[From Providence by John Piper (Crossway, 2020), p.90-92. Piper is speaking of the goal of God’s providence in the history of the exodus. Join us for our study of providence Thursday evenings, 7:30-8:30 via Zoom. The preparation guide is available here (a pdf file) – Coty]

God’s name is a message. And the message is about how he intends to be known. Every time his name appears—all 6,800 times—he means to remind us of his utterly unique being. As I have pondered the meaning of the name Yahweh, built on the phrase “I am who I am” and pointing to God’s absolute being, I see at least ten dimensions to its meaning: (more…)

When is an Attack Not Evil? Suffering in the Apostle Paul’s Life

Psalm 91 includes great promises concerning God’s protection of His people. Verse 10 summarizes them all: “No evil shall be allowed to befall you” (Psalm 91:10). In Sunday’s sermon (video, audio), we considered as examples of the fulfillment of these promises the miraculous deliverance of the Apostle Paul and all his shipmates from a terrible storm, as recorded in Acts 27, and Paul’s statement to Timothy shortly before his certain execution: “The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to His heavenly kingdom” (2 Timothy 4:18 NIV). The Apostle may well have had Psalm 91 in mind when he wrote those words. He clearly does not consider his upcoming execution as an evil attack, but rather God’s providentially bringing his earthly mission to a close, taking him to Himself.

Paul had this understanding concerning the evil acts of evil men for decades prior to his death. Consider the following quotations from the book of Acts and some of Paul’s letters, cited in chronological order (with my comments in square brackets]. The Apostle sees himself as an instrument in God’s hands to be used for His glory. This includes considerable suffering, as promised immediately upon his conversion. But in every difficult encounter, God was with him (Psalm 91:15), working out His good and wise purposes for His church, including the salvation of individuals and people groups.

I encourage you to meditate on these excerpts, and take heart (more…)

Even the Wind and the Waves Obey Him

George Orjih, a pastor from the northeastern corner of Nigeria, in 2009 was studying for a Masters degree at a seminary in the city of Jos. In the break between terms, he traveled the 300 miles home, in cramped vehicles and on difficult roads, so that he could spend a few weeks with his family and home church. He is described as a loving pastor, “fearless, hardworking, and intellectually sound.” The day after he arrived home, a group of men calling themselves Boko Haram kidnapped him. This group wants Islamic sheria law to apply to everyone who lives in northern Nigeria. George was ordered to deny Jesus and accept Islam. He responded by preaching the Gospel. So he was beheaded on July 28, 2009.

Not 2000 years ago. This century.

Question: When such things happen: Is God really in control? Does He really never leave us nor forsake us? Can we trust Him when we know brothers and sisters in Christ lose their lives? (more…)

Providence: How and Why God Acts

Our God is in the heavens; he does all that he pleases. (Psalm 115:3)

Consider natural disasters and what we think of as the normal processes of nature:

  • A tsunami strikes Sumatra with overwhelming force, killing 250,000 people.
  • The sun rises every morning – indeed, the sun is always rising somewhere in this world.
  • Grass, trees, and crops grow.

Scripture tells us that God controls such events:

  • the wind and waves obey Jesus (Luke 8:22-25)
  • God makes the sun to rise (Matthew 5:45)
  • He causes plants to grow (Psalm 104:14)

Think of key points in biblical history:

  • Joseph’s brothers sell him into slavery in Egypt.
  • Pharaoh refuses to let the people of Israel go.
  • Satan enters into Judas.
  • Pilate releases Barabbas and turns Jesus over to be crucified.

According to Scripture, in all these events, God is working out His perfect plan:

  • Joseph’s brothers act sinfully, but God intends that action for good – even their own good (Genesis 50:20)
  • God hardens Pharaoh’s heart so that he will not let the people go (Exodus 7:2-5, 11:10)
  • Though Satan enters Judas (Luke 22:2-3) and Pilate acts according to his perception of his self-interest (Matthew 27:15-26), the crucifixion and its surround events happen exactly according to God’s plan (Acts 4:24-28).

Or consider the acts of nations and individuals today:

  • Joe Biden becomes president of the United States and signs dozens of executive orders.
  • China incarcerates more than a million Uighurs in concentration camps and violates its treaty with Britain in cracking down on pro-democracy demonstrations in Hong Kong.
  • An elderly atheist who has ridiculed Jesus for decades comes to faith.
  • You and I are breathing right now.

Scripture tells us that God is in control even of such events:

  • “The Most High rules the kingdom of men and gives it to whom he will” (Daniel 4:25)
  • “The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD; he turns it wherever he will” (Proverbs 21:1)
  • God “has mercy on whomever he wills, and he hardens whomever he wills. (Romans 9:18)
  • God gives us “life and breath and everything” (Acts 17:25)

Such Scriptures paint a picture of a sovereign God ruling all events, moving all creation forward to His appointed end.

This raises a multitude of questions: What is God’s goal in all this? How is this sovereignty related to our responsibility for our actions? How is that sovereignty related to His commands to us – and our obeying or disobeying those commands? Does God’s control extend even to evil acts of evil men and all natural events? Does He providentially control all things?

These are not questions that we should leave for theologians to ponder. For we all face death, disease, and tragedy; we sin and others sin against us; and the world often looks to be spiraling out of control. We need to take to heart the assurances of Scripture that God is working all things together for His good and wise purposes. But if those assurances are to play their intended role, we need to understand what the Scriptures promise, and what they do not. We need to understand how and why God acts as He does.

I invite you to consider these questions together over the next several months. Over about twenty weekly lessons via Zoom, we will search the Scriptures to see if and how these things are true. Each week we will examine a passage or two in depth, studying the goal, nature, and extent of God’s providence. While we will use John Piper’s excellent new book, Providence, as a resource (with a portion assigned to read each week after you have studied the relevant Scriptures), this is a Bible study, not a book study. Indeed, we will assign only about half of Providence as required reading.

The Apostle Paul tells us not to be conformed to this world, but to be transformed through the renewal of our minds (Romans 12:2). Our society, our schools, our media, our government, and (sadly) even many of our churches minimize the role of God’s providence in our lives if they speak of it at all. We need to have our minds shaped by God’s Word on this issue, so that every day, whether we encounter victory or defeat, health or disease, joy or sorrow, prosperity or devastation, we can follow our Savior with confidence, trusting that He will use us for His glory, bring us safely to His heavenly kingdom, and fulfill His perfect plan for this world.

We meet Thursday evenings via Zoom, 7:30 to 8:30pm, beginning March 4. The study guide for the first week is available (Word file, pdf). Speak to me directly or fill out the DGCC Contact Form to express interest in the study. Anyone who is willing to prepare each week is welcome to join us. You can see the Table of Contents and read the first chapter of Providence here. Desiring God has partnered with WTSBooks to offer a pre-publication discount of 50%, with a copy of the ebook available for download immediately at no extra charge. Physical copies of the book should ship shortly.

 

 

How Sovereign is God?

How sovereign is God?

That is: What does God control through His sovereign will?

Scripture tells us:

  • Even the tiniest bird doesn’t die apart from His hand (Matthew 10:29)
  • You don’t even lose a hair from your head apart from His knowledge and will (Matthew 10:30)
  • He controls the moon and what we now know are trillions of stars in millions of galaxies (Psalm 8:3)
  • But He also keeps a man from having sex with a woman in his harem (Genesis 20:2-4)
  • He performs mighty deeds, obvious miracles, like parting the waters of the Red Sea so that the Israelites can pass through on dry ground (Exodus 14)
  • but He also speaks in a still, small voice to bring about His purposes (1 Kings 19:11-12).

God controls all things – major and minor, intergalactic and microbial, global and personal.

He works all things according to the counsel of his will (Ephesians 1:11).

Specifically, He controls the desires of the most powerful of men:

Proverbs 21:1 The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD; He turns it wherever he will.

Daniel 4 gives us a specific example of such turning. Nebuchadnezzar, king of the mighty Babylonian empire, the greatest ruler of his day, Is surveying his city, delighting in his power and accomplishments. While the king is boasting in his pride, God turns not only his heart but also his mind – Nebuchadnezzar becomes mad, and acts like an animal until he acknowledges “that the most High rules the kingdom of men and gives it to whom He will” (Daniel 4:32). In other words: Nebuchadnezzar will remain crazy until he knows that he deserves nothing. He is emperor by God’s grace, not because of His breeding or intelligence or military prowess.

Nebuchadnezzar does come to his senses. He recognizes God’s sovereign power and praises Him:

Daniel 4:37  Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and extol and honor the King of heaven, for all his works are right and his ways are just; and those who walk in pride he is able to humble.

So, the Bible claims that God is that sovereign. He controls all things – even kings’ hearts, even generals’ hearts, even presidents’ hearts.

Do you believe that?

Have you come to acknowledge what Nebuchadnezzar had to be forced to acknowledge?

We are beginning a series on the book of Esther. This book is unusual: It is the only book in the Bible that never mentions God explicitly. God is not the stated subject of any sentence.

Partly for this reason, some have questioned: Should Esther really be a part of Scripture? Shouldn’t every book in the Bible actually mention God? Is this just a book about Jewish nationalism?

Indeed, such were the questions that early church leaders wrote commentaries on every other book of the Bible prior to writing a commentary on Esther. The earliest known Christian commentary dates from around the year 700.

But although God is not mentioned, He is present in all that happens – in every event recorded in the book. In Esther, God acts providentially – that is, He works behind the scenes. So at the time, it’s rarely clear that He Himself is actually acting. But by the end of the story, it is abundantly clear that only God could have orchestrated all the recorded incidents to bring about the salvation of His people.

Now, consider our own era. Isn’t it much like the time of Esther?

  • Like Esther and Mordecai, we are recipients of great, precious, ancient promises. But, like them, we don’t know how those promises apply to us specifically.
  • Like Esther and Mordecai, we are faced with dangers, with ambiguities, with a lack of an obviously right choice – and yet we must act. We must make decisions.
  • Like Esther and Mordecai, we don’t see God parting the Red Sea or sending fire down from heaven to consume an offering; we don’t hear God speak from Mt Sinai or witness Jesus walking on water or risen from the dead. Like them, we must walk by faith, not by sight.

So the characters in this book face situations much like ours. Esther is thus highly valuable to us.

The fundamental message in Esther is this:

God is sovereignly working out His grand plan of redemption for the glory of His Name, through all events that happen.

In this book we see multiple examples of God at work, often in seemingly minor and personal matters. But in the end, through these small acts of providence, God saves His covenant people from genocide.

The lesson for us must be: God continues today to work sovereignly, even through minor events in our lives, to bring about His good, perfect, and pleasing will.

So if we belong to Him, we can step out with great confidence, praying that God will use us no matter how great our past sins, no matter how bumbling our efforts. We cannot mess up God’s plan.

For as the Apostle Paul tells us, God works all things together for good for those who love Him, for those whom He has called. And if we are in Christ, nothing can ever separate us from His love (Romans 8:28, 37-39).

[This devotion is taken from the introduction to last Sunday’s opening sermon in the series Esther: The Miracle of Providence. Follow the link to download or listen to the audio of the sermon.]

 

Reflections on the Loss of a Daughter

[Dr Fred Zaspel is pastor at the Reformed Baptist Church of Franconia, PA and Professor of Systematic Theology at Calvary Baptist Seminary in Lansdale, PA. He posted these thoughts on the October 31 death of his daughter at credomag.com on November 13. This is an edited version; the entire post is well worth reading. Credo Magazine has many helpful articles. The latest issue focuses on the grand story of the Bible.  – Coty]

For a dozen or so years our daughter, Gina, suffered unspeakably from more maladies and on more levels — physical and otherwise — than I could begin adequately to explain. The infection that ravished her central nervous system, the years of sleeplessness, the constant nausea, the passing out and the many falls and concussions that came as a result, the severe and relentless headache pain, the haunting hallucinations, the struggles with confusion, the blood clots, the systemic infections, and so very much more, all in the extreme, made her life the most severely agonized I have ever witnessed. Amazingly — yet true to form — she found moments of laughter almost daily, and we delighted in her company even while hurting for her. But the suffering became increasingly severe on so many fronts. And as we watched her suffer, how we prayed, often in despair, that God would deliver her from it all.

About three years ago he did. In a dramatic and miraculous moment the disease was gone, and for a short while it seemed her life had been returned to her. But further setbacks were to follow. The suffering again became intense and unspeakable. Until finally, on Thursday, October 31, it was all over. Forever. Gina is now with the Lord.

At several points over the years it seemed she was dying, but then she would rally. And on occasions she and even we could have wished it for her sake — her suffering was so awful, death would have been considered a mercy. We still feel all that, but nothing could have prepared us for the pain we now feel over our loss. She was Daddy’s girl, Mommy’s soul mate, and brother’s very closest friend. We are a very close family, and we loved Gina more than words could ever express — and we told her so many, many times every day, verbally and with countless hugs and kisses. Surely a day will never pass, in this life, without sensing this deep, gaping hole in our hearts. We just cannot imagine life without Gina. How we loved her.

I have often suspected over the years that Christians who romanticize death have likely never experienced the loss of a close loved one. Death remains a dreaded and a devastating enemy, and there is just no way to make it pretty. It still stings, deeply so, and when it comes close like this it leaves us feeling all but completely undone.

Yet for Christians there truly is a difference. And during this past week since Gina passed, agonizing as it has been, we have learned first-hand that we really do not sorrow as those who have no hope. The weighty promises and massive truths that God has revealed to us in his Word truly are life-shaping and soul anchoring, and they provide a sure point of reference for even the most hurting heart.

United to Christ by faith Gina belonged — and belongs — to God. And through the years of her suffering we reminded ourselves often that the God who in grace had rescued her in Christ from sin loves her even more than we do. And so we trust his providence. He is too wise ever to make a mistake, and too good ever to do us wrong. And we acknowledge that just as he was free and sovereign in giving Gina to us 29 years ago, so now he is free and sovereign — and good and just — in taking her. He has not wronged us. Indeed, not only do we affirm this great truth — we rest in it. This God is himself our Father, a Father who knows what is best for his children and faithfully directs our lives accordingly. Moreover, he is the Father who in love one day gave up his own Son to bear our curse in order to redeem us to himself. Yes, of course there are many “Why?” questions that we cannot answer, but we lack no proof of God’s love or his goodness. And we bless him today with deeper passion than ever.

We are so very grateful not only that God gave us our daughter for 29 years, but also that in grace he saved her and made her his own. This is really everything — everything — and we recognize that we are blessed to know that Gina is rejoicing today in the presence of our great Redeemer. How she loved him! How she loved the gospel. Gina was marked by passion in everything she did, but nothing so stirred her like the gospel of Christ. She loved to hear it, she loved to learn it more deeply, she loved to sing it, and she loved to share it with others. Her whole hope was in Christ. Virtually every day, even in much pain, she would sit down at the piano to play and sing and refresh her aching soul with some of her favorite songs about Christ, God’s love in Christ, salvation in Christ, God’s faithful love and providence, and the glory that awaits us. And this same gospel is what assures us still. And we rejoice that neither death nor life nor anything else in all God’s creation could ever separate Gina or us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

And we have come better to appreciate that our hope in Christ is not for this life only. We eagerly await the day of Christ’s return when we will rejoice together in his glorious presence and discover for ourselves that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that will then be revealed in us. . . .

We are hurting for our loss. The pain is massive, and on one level I’m sure it will never be absent in this life. But deep as this hurt is, we are not left adrift. With minds and hearts shaped by gospel truth, with the love of God marvelously shed abroad in our hearts by his Spirit, with confidence in his unerring providence, and with an unshakable joy and hope in Christ, God has given us more than all we will need. . . .